It is my duty as Not Fake News' editor-in-chief and number one truth teller to report that President Trump's ex-girlfriend, Stormy Daniels, to whom he paid $130,000 to keep quiet about their affair, has launched a new tour called Making America Horny Again and is appearing right here in my new home town.
Daniels, Tump's former mistress who just sued the president seeking to invalidate their hush money deal because he didn't sign it, is appearing tonight and tomorrow night at North Myrtle Beach, SC's famous Thee DollHouse, a strip joint frequented by locals and tourists who like to ogle naked, or near naked, women who "entertain".
It's being promoted locally as MAGA: Making Adult Great Again.
According to Myrtle Beach Online, Daniels will be a feature entertainer with two shows nightly at 10 p.m. and 1 a.m. Thee DollHouse marketing director Jenny McCauley said she will take pictures and sign hats and photos following her 10 p.m. shows and possibly following her late shows.
The club will have its normal cover charge of $15 for patrons ages 21 and older and $20 for customers ages 18-20. No word as to whether Daniels will strip, pole dance, or appear in one of the club's special VIP suites. Here's what the club's website says about them:
"So you've come to Thee Dollhouse and found your dream girl and now you want to spend a little time alone with her? It's time to head to the private, plush VIP suites. Fully remodeled - introduce yourself to the ultimate in private friction dancing. Enjoy 15 minutes, 30 minutes or an entire hour with your favorite entertainer. In addition, if you get a 30 minute or hour long VIP, we will buy you your first bottle of champagne!"
Actually, McCauley said on TV that Daniels would be doing a "novelty" show and then would leave to catch a plane to her next appearance, so sounds like VIP suite appearances are out.
Unless you've been hiding under a rock, you've seen the stories about how Daniels, whose real name is Jennifer Clifford, claims to have had an "intimate relationship" with Trump in 2006, a year after Trump married Melania, "well into the year 2007."
She and Trump's attorney, Michael Cohen, signed the nondisclosure agreement on Oct. 28, 2016, but her lawsuit asserts that since Trump failed to do so she should be free to tell the world about it. Cohen has said he paid the porn actress $130,000 out of his own pocket to keep quiet. He has also said that "neither the Trump Organization nor the Trump campaign was a party to the transaction with Ms. Clifford, and neither reimbursed me for the payment, either directly or indirectly."
In other words, he did it because he's a great guy and wanted to protect his client, Donald J. Trump.
I'm sure Thee DollHouse will do a bang-up business as curiosity seekers come out to see Trump's ex-mistress. It's just one more classy extension of the current Presidency. Makes you proud, doesn't it?