Clearly, President Donald John Trump was the most consequential President of the last 40 years. He single handedly has solved every problem, both foreign and domestic, that has plagued this country since its founding.
Let's look at the list:
Healthcare. His brilliance has created the best healthcare system of any nation. Not only are we all covered from cradle to the grave, but it's free! Big win for the US here.
Immigration. Two words… The Wall. As soon as it was erected all illegal immigration stopped, employment of real Americans skyrocketed, and the crime rates in all major cities plummeted. And it was cheap too! 1 trillion dollars. Thanks to his experience in the construction industry he was able to get us a great deal on it.
Foreign relations. Our allies are back where they belong, under our thumb. No more having to listen to other opinions or advice! Our way or the highway!
Economy. Improved this Bigly! American industry is great again, producing export products for the entire world to buy.
Employment. As he predicted, jobs are flooding back into the country! The production boom has created such a demand for jobs that some (most?) citizens are able to have two or three jobs at once to pay their bills.
Russian relations. Our good friends from WWII are back in the fold! Remember uncle Joe Stalin? We could really learn a lot about domestic policy from him.
Gun rights. Oh thank God for him on this issue. Now every American has the right to control their own gun. As soon as they've completed issuing them to all the toddlers, the country will be completely safe again.
Law enforcement. Finally! A man who tells it like it is! Rough them up a little, it's ok. That whole innocent until proven guilty concept was idiotic.
Well, that's the list. Truly the greatest President ever. I'm sure you’ll agree.
Scott Morrison is a political satirist and ardent member of the Resistance based in Charleston, SC.