According to a sad-faced House Speaker Paul Ryan, who hasn't driven in three years because he has a taxpayer-paid chauffeur, a family of woodchucks has eaten the guts out of his car as it sits unattended at his mother's house waiting for Paulie to come home from his big job in Washington, DC.
I guess this woodchuck family didn't like being homeless or living in a nasty hole in the ground, so it took up residence in Ryan's Chevy Suburban. Maybe he could take a hint from those furry little rodents with the sharp teeth and stop attacking the elderly and the poor with his cruel legislative proposals.
According to CNN, Ryan told attendees at a fancy event held by The Economics Club in Washington, DC. that his SUV was gnawed on by a family of woodchucks.
"My car was eaten by animals. And it's just dead," Ryan said.
I guess woodchucks aren't that particular. If they'll eat Ryans car, they'll eat anybody's.
Ryan retires at the end of the year and will be losing his chauffeur. He says he's kept up his driver's license (wow, can you believe it, what a big boy!) so he'll be all ready to get behind the wheel of the new Ford pickup that he's thinking about purchasing.
I know there are a lot more significant problems in the world that I could be commenting about right now --especially today, what with Trump acting like an idiot at NATO, insulting the Prime Minister of Great Britain (our friend) and preparing for a friendly little soirée with Putin (our enemy).
But I just thought you'd enjoy knowing that Ryan's car has been eaten by woodchucks, and I think it's entirely justified.