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Call in Police Cat to Catch Drunken Birds



In Gilbert, MN the local police department is chasing down a bunch of birds that appear to be "under the influence," crashing into windows and narrowly avoiding death by car.

Apparently the local cops are having a tough time catching these birds, apparently intoxicated by eating fermented berries, so I have a suggestion. They should call up their pals at the Troy, MI Police Department and borrow their new police cat, "Pawficer Donut."

I kid you not. That's the solution.

The problem in Gilbert apparently is serious enough for the media to pick up the story, first revealed by the local police chief, Ty Techar, who sent out a statement earlier this week.

“The Gilbert Police Department has received several reports of birds that appear to be ‘under the influence’ flying into windows, cars and acting confused,” the chief wrote.

“It appears that some birds are getting a little more ‘tipsy’ than normal,” explaining that “Generally, younger birds’ livers cannot handle the toxins as efficiently as more mature birds. There is no need to call law enforcement about these birds as they should sober up within a short period of time.”

But if they don't, Pawficer Donut could come to the rescue.


The cat was sworn in by two judges on May 11, 2018. She's being used to raise awareness for cat adoptions and for community outreach. By now, she should have some on-the-job experience and certainly should be able to chase down a few tipsy birds.

Hiring Pawficer Donut began in March when the Troy PD issued a Twitter challenge saying it would get a police cat if it received 10,000 followers by April. It reached its goal weeks early.

"We are using social media to engage the public that we serve and to get the message out that police are human, too, and we want to show we have a side of us that is beyond law enforcement," said Chief Gary Mayer.

Well, if the Troy PD needs to raise some money, they might want to rent Pawcifer Donut out to help the cops in Gilbert catch those boozing birds. They could probably get good money for that cat's services, and you know cats are really good at catching birds.

And no, those birds don't like beer. Unlike Judge Kavanaugh, they never liked beer. They just like to eat fermented berries.

#PoliceCat #DrunkenBirds #PawficerDonut #JudgeKavanaugh

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Not Fake News . Bob Gatty . 2719 Scarecrow Way, Myrtle Beach, SC . 301-908-1918. www.notfakenews.biz