It's been a rough past few weeks, with bitter arguments over "voter fraud" leveled by President Trump, counter charges of voter suppression, presidential insults of world leaders and questions over the future of the Robert Mueller Russia investigation, but the topper was a scare caused by two drunken Raccoons in West Virginia.
Yep, that's right. Drunken raccoons.
The Washington Post reported today that in Milton, WV, local townspeople became concerned when they saw these raccoons staggering around and thought maybe they had rabies. That would be serious. That would be dangerous. People could die.
So they contacted the local cops, who sent two patrolmen and a sergeant to stake out the area where the perpetrators were last seen. Eventually, when they caught two of the masked suspects, they realized that they were not sick with rabies at all.
They simply were drunk.
Apparently the raccoons had been feasting on fermented crabapples, which made them more than just a little tipsy.
So, the raccoons were placed into protective custody where they sobered up in the local raccoon drunk tank.
Then, they were released into the wild -- after an officer took a picture of the animal, showing it to be dazed and woozy. They named one drunk raccoon Dallas and released both near the woods.
Here's how the Milton police reported the incident:
"So, Ptl Scarberry made his first apprehension today, taking this masked bandit into custody with assistance of Sgt Collins and several neighborhood residents. We have had calls on suspected rabid raccoons twice over the last two days. Turns out they appear to be drunk on crabapples. Ptl Withers caught one yesterday on Brickyard Ave with the help of the city street department. Today’s culprit was on Highland Ave and Mason Street and it was a community effort. Both coons were released near the woods unharmed. If you see a staggering and disoriented raccoon please do not approach it. It could be sick so call us and we’ll take care of it. Welcome to Milton Dallas."
Thought you'd enjoy this little break from all the bad news of the day.