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Time for a Break: Stupid Criminals


This week is probably going to be filled with more nasty news, what with Trump still complaining about "the Squad" and Robert Mueller finally testifying before Congress, so I thought a little break in the mood would be appropriate.


Enter: Stupid Criminals


I got the idea this morning when I was talking to Joe the Jeweler to whom we had taken an 80-year-old wedding ring that had belonged to my wife's mom and that needed to be repaired. As he checked out the ring, we got to talking and he told me that he had been burglarized three times during his long career and was victimized by a "snatch-and-grab" once.


"They caught that guy," he said.


But then, Joe the Jeweler told me about a guy who had broken into his little shop one night and was planning to rob it. The storefront had previously been operated by an interior decorator who had left behind a dainty little chair on rollers.


"It wasn't anything like this one," he said, referring to the big, black, overstuffed leather chair on which he was sitting in front of his work table littered with bits and pieces of jewelry. "It never would have fit my fat behind."


No, it was a dainty little ladies' chair, but the burglar decided he needed to disable the alarm, which included a large, round bell near the ceiling. "You know, it was one of those big metal bells like you used to have in school," explained Joe the Jeweler.


So, the determined thief climbed up on that dainty little chair on rollers, which apparently promptly rolled away sending him crashing to the floor.


Alerted by the alarm, when Joe the Jeweler arrived at the shop, the thief was laying dead on the floor.


"He was purple from the neck up, and even though he had cracked his head, there was no blood -- and you know how a head wound can bleed," Joe said. "I guess his heart stopped immediately."


When Joe the Jeweler called the cops, they asked him if he was sure the burglar was dead.


"I'm from North Carolina," he responded. "I've seen plenty of dead animals. Trust me, this one is dead!"


Well, that got me thinking about stupid criminal stories, so here are a few more that should give you a laugh:


Suspect Farts So Loudly His Hiding Spot is Revealed to Officers


Woman Driving to Waffle House on Electric Shopping Cart Arrested in Tennessee


Felon Drops Loaded Pistol in Donut Shop Populated by Officers


Best Buy Burglars Arrested After Butt Dialing 911


Men Robbed Baltimore Pub During Sergeant's Retirement Party


That's enough for now! Hope I made you laugh.

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Not Fake News . Bob Gatty . 2719 Scarecrow Way, Myrtle Beach, SC . 301-908-1918. www.notfakenews.biz